‘I Am a God Ice Cream Croissantwich,’ and More From the Kanye West Ice Cream Week Menu


It’s Kanye West’s birthday week, and you should celebrate in his ‘Beautiful but Darkly Lit Ice Cream Parlor’

Yes, these flavors are all real.

Morgenstern’s Finest Ice Cream, the popular ice creamery on the Lower East Side in New York City, has teamed up with First We Feast, the food-focused arm of Complex magazine, to celebrate one of the rare things in life that is known to make Kanye West happy.

The rapper — whose birthday is actually today, June 8 — hasn’t often allowed himself to appear happy in public, but when he has, it has often involved ice cream.

In honor of West’s special appreciation for ice cream, Morgenstern’s and First We Feast have dreamed up a menu that might, if they’re lucky, allow Kanye to smile once more.

The special menu, also known as “Kanye’s Beautiful but Darkly Lit Ice Cream Parlor,” debuts Monday and will be available through Saturday, June 12.

Menu items include the I Am a God Ice Cream Croissantwich, the Kim Kardashian Thirst Trap Sundae, and the All Day Vanilla Ice Cream Cake.


Kanye-Themed Ice Cream Is Back And More Glorious Than Ever

When it comes to dishing out some killer cones, not all ice cream parlors are created equal. Case in point: Morgenstern's Finest Ice Cream in New York City.

Lately, all sorts of foodies have been Instagramming a variety of insane scoops from this shop that are almost too perfect for words. If flexing a bunch of flawless frozen dairy goods isn't impressive enough, you'll be glad to know that Morgenstern's has also been slaying the scoop scene with its jet black-charred coconut ice cream that looks insanely chic.

Yep, this parlor is certainly a pioneer of whipping up some trendy AF treats. Now, Morgenstern's is taking frozen dairy FTW once more with some ice cream inspired by the almighty Kanye West himself.

I repeat: This is not a drill. Yeezy-inspired ice cream is a real thing, and it's just as glorious as you would imagine.

Today, Kanye celebrates his 39th birthday, so in honor of the joyous occasion, First We Feast teamed up with Morgenstern's to bring back #KanyeIceCreamWeek. They've given the ice cream shop's menu a hip-hop makeover that is certainly worthy of a mic drop.

Seriously, you'll love this ice cream more than Kanye loves Kanye.

Check out the pictures below to see some ice cream inspired by your favorite rapper:


I Went On A Kanye-Themed Ice Cream Diet And Survived To Tell The Tale

If you follow a lot of foodies on social media, there’s a good chance your Insta feed was flooded with all sorts of insane treats inspired by the almighty Kanye West.

Last week was Kanye’s 39th birthday, so First We Feast teamed up with Morgenstern’s Finest Ice Cream in New York City to celebrate the special occasion by whipping up a bunch of tasty Ye approved treats and bringing back SZN 2 of #KanyeIceCreamWeek.

Now, if there’s one thing I love just as much as Kanye loves Kanye, it’s stuffing my face with ice cream.

So when First We Feast asked me to go on another one of my crazy eating endeavors and do a 48-hour Kanye Ice Cream Diet, it was a no-brainer.

I mean, let’s be real, binge-eating ice cream sounds a lot more fun than being on a diet that involves choking down shitty kale smoothies three times a day.

That’s right. In honor of Yeezy’s birthday, I ate nothing besides Kanye-themed confections for two whole days and I have to say, this diet might be even better than the six-day taco cleanse and the nacho diet combined.

Over the course of this epic eating experiment, I tried all sorts of heavenly hip-hop themed treats that ranged from bougie banana splits and ice cream sandwiches to Henny-infused milkshakes that were certainly worthy of a mic drop.

By the end of day two, I can honestly say that I thoroughly enjoyed every damn second of this decadent diet and luckily my waistline didn’t seem to suffer any ice-cream induced consequences.

That being said, I’m not sure if there are any real health benefits associated with eating ice cream for two days straight, but I can confirm that this glorious Kanye Ice Cream Diet will make you happy AF, not to mention high as a kite on sugar (or slightly drunk on Henny).

Unfortunately, #KanyeICeCreamWeek came to a close yesterday, so if you want to get in on the diet you’ll have to wait until Szn 3 makes its return next year.

But, hey, at least you can tide yourself over by living vicariously through my ice cream adventures until then.


Kanye-themed Ice Cream Is A Foodie Ultralightbeam, Here’s Where to Get it

When it comes to dishing out some killer cones, not all ice cream parlors are created equal. Case in point: Morgenstern’s Finest Ice Cream in New York City.

Lately, all sorts of foodies have been Instagramming a variety of insane scoopsfrom this shop that are almost too perfect for words. If flexing a bunch of flawless frozen dairy goods isn’t impressive enough, you’ll be glad to know that Morgenstern’s has also been slaying the scoop scene with its jet black-charred coconut ice cream that looks insanely chic.

Yep, this parlor is certainly a pioneer of whipping up some trendy AF treats. Now, Morgenstern’s is taking frozen dairy FTW once more with some ice cream inspired by the almighty Kanye West himself.

I repeat: This is not a drill. Yeezy-inspired ice cream is a real thing, and it’s just as glorious as you would imagine.

Today, Kanye celebrates his 38th birthday, so in honor of the joyous occasion, First We Feast teamed up with Morgenstern’s to bring back #KanyeIceCreamWeek. They’ve given the ice cream shop’s menu a hip-hop makeover that is certainly worthy of a mic drop.

Seriously, you’ll love this ice cream more than Kanye loves Kanye.

Check out the pictures below to see some ice cream inspired by your favorite rapper:


Kanye-themed Ice Cream Is A Foodie Ultralightbeam, Here's Where to Get it

When it comes to dishing out some killer cones, not all ice cream parlors are created equal. Case in point: Morgenstern’s Finest Ice Cream in New York City.

Lately, all sorts of foodies have been Instagramming a variety of insane scoopsfrom this shop that are almost too perfect for words. If flexing a bunch of flawless frozen dairy goods isn’t impressive enough, you’ll be glad to know that Morgenstern’s has also been slaying the scoop scene with its jet black-charred coconut ice cream that looks insanely chic.

Yep, this parlor is certainly a pioneer of whipping up some trendy AF treats. Now, Morgenstern’s is taking frozen dairy FTW once more with some ice cream inspired by the almighty Kanye West himself.

I repeat: This is not a drill. Yeezy-inspired ice cream is a real thing, and it’s just as glorious as you would imagine.

Today, Kanye celebrates his 38th birthday, so in honor of the joyous occasion, First We Feast teamed up with Morgenstern’s to bring back #KanyeIceCreamWeek. They’ve given the ice cream shop’s menu a hip-hop makeover that is certainly worthy of a mic drop.

Seriously, you’ll love this ice cream more than Kanye loves Kanye.

Check out the pictures below to see some ice cream inspired by your favorite rapper:


Kanye West-Inspired Desserts Are Hilarious And Delicious

Imma let you finish but . Kanye West-inspired desserts are the greatest desserts of all time. At least that's what one ice cream parlor -- NYC-based Morgenstern's Finest Ice Cream -- happens to think.

West is known for his love of ice cream, so in honor of the rapper's 38th birthday, Morgenstern's teamed up with online foodie site First We Feast to create "Kanye's Beautiful But Darkly Lit Ice Cream Parlor." The Yeezy-inspired treats (and hilarious toppings) will be available to the masses from Monday, June 8 at noon to Saturday, June 13 as part of #KanyeIceCreamWeek.

When The Huffington Post spoke with Morgenstern's owner, Nicholas Morgenstern, and First We Feast's Chris Schonberger, the two said that the partnership came about naturally. "Since Morgenstern's already has the G.O.O.D. Music-referencing New God Flow, and we love Nick's ice cream, we figured there'd be no better shop to team up with to bring these flavors to life," said Schonberger.

The Kanye items have kept the shop very busy, as Morgenstern says they've already sold out of the "I Am A God Cream Croissantwich" and the "All Day Vanilla Cake."

Scroll through the menu and descriptions provided by First We Feast below, and see which item would be your favorite.

1. I Am A God Ice Cream Croissantwich
($7)

Description: Vanilla ice cream inside a custom-made Arcade Bakery croissant (like any good Yeezy release, there’s a limited quantity of these bad boys—get ’em while you can!).

2. Red October Raspberry
(single $4.50, double $6.50)

Description: Raspberry sorbet, in honor of Yeezy’s favorite frozen treat and his cultish Air Yeezy 2 sneakers.

3. Kim Kardashian Thirst Trap Sundae
($8.50)

Description: Two scoops of Sesame Caramel Ice Cream with Champagne Caramel Sauce and whipped cream.

4. Bowl Digger
($8.50)

Description: Two scoops of chocolate ice cream with whipped cream, fudge and a cherry.

5. All Day Vanilla Ice Cream Cake
($8 per slice)

Description: Vanilla cake, vanilla ice cream, vanilla frosting—a new classic that you’ll come back to “24-7, 365 days.”


Morgenstern’s will hurry up with your croissants for #KanyeIceCreamWeek

Morganstern’s is ready to hurry up with your damn croissants.

That’s because they have made-to-order ice cream croissantwiches all week!

Morganstern’s is celebrating Kanye West’s 38th birthday by creating a version of his dream ice cream parlor, right on Rivington St.

First We Feast collaborated with the Lower East Side ice cream shop to create a festive menu all Kimye fans will probably want to keep up with.

Celebratory treats include:

  • I Am a God Ice Cream Croissantwich ($7): vanilla ice cream in a custom-made Arcade Bakery croissant
  • Red October Raspberry (single $4.50, double $6.50): raspberry sorbet, in honor of Yeezy’s “favorite frozen treat” and his red Air Yeezy 2 sneakers
  • Kim Kardashian Thirst Trap Sundae ($8.50): two scoops of Sesame Caramel Ice Cream with Champagne Caramel Sauce and whipped cream
  • Bowl Digger ($8.50): two scoops of chocolate ice cream with whipped cream, fudge and a cherry
  • All Day Vanilla Ice Cream Cake ($8 per slice): vanilla cake, vanilla ice cream, vanilla frosting

Scoops prove to be even larger than Kim’s engagement diamond, but kid-friendly enough for a play-date with North West.

While Kanye thinks ice cream lovers would to anything for a Klondike, we’d do pretty much anything to have the lines for this week-long menu not be out of control.


The chilling truth about ice cream

When I was growing up, my dad’s cousin, struggling to make a living as a farmer after the introduction of milk quotas, decided to turn his hand to making ice cream.

I remember peering into the dairy where expensive machinery churned the fresh milk and cream from the cows that I could see grazing in the fields.

And I remember, too, how delicious it was to eat those cornets, piled high with dark chocolate ice cream, licking and slurping and being careful not to lose a single drip.

There can’t be a child in Britain who doesn’t know that ice cream is made from gloriously rich, frozen double cream, sugar and sometimes eggs — after all, it’s there in the name, isn’t it? Ice cream. Or is it?

Most people would lose their appetite pretty quickly if they knew what actually went into some of the thousands of tubs of ice cream that are sold from supermarket freezer cabinets every day.

This week, it was revealed that Unilever, who own Wall’s, Magnum, Carte d’Or and Ben & Jerry’s, have applied to the Food Standards Agency (FSA) for permission to add to a diet range of frozen fruit ices a protein created using GM technology from the blood of an ocean pout, an eel-like creature that lives in the North Atlantic.

So far, so bizarre. But almost as shocking is what goes into everyday, big brand ice cream and, even more surprising, what is left out.

Let’s take a look at a Magnum, the UK’s top-selling ‘hand-held’ ice cream brand.

In Britain, we eat more than 100 million each year and it is ‘the pinnacle of indulgence in ice cream’, according to its manufacturers who promote it with dreamy, sensual, images.

Yet for all the emphasis on luxury, one thing is conspicuous by its absence from the ingredients: cream — and even, in many cases, fresh milk.

According to Unilever, this omission is actually to save us from ourselves. ‘It’s in line with our policy on removing saturated fats,’ explains a straight-faced spokeswoman.

A supermarket buyer is perhaps more candid. ‘Taking cream out of ice cream is actually quite normal,’ she says.

‘You can now buy a two-litre tub of soft scoop for less than a pound. Don’t forget there’s 17.5 per cent VAT on that, and the store needs to take a profit of 25-30 per cent. If you also take away the cost of the lid and the tub, you’d think there was hardly anything left for the ice cream makers.’

So if there’s no money to spare for fresh cream, what is in it?

The whipped ice cream squirted out of a nozzle to make the cones which you buy from an ice cream van, used to contain pig fat or lard. Today, filling ice cream with commercial vegetable oils is a common practice.

Virtually all basic supermarket lines from own-brand soft scoop to Carte d’Or rely heavily on it.

‘A lot of people don’t realise that. It’s quite scary,’ admits a spokeswoman for Richmond Foods, who manufacture ice cream for Tesco, Waitrose, Asda, Morrisons, Sainsbury’s and M&S.

She explains that the most common vegetable fats in ices produced by Richmond Foods come from coconuts, and the fruit of the oil palm tree. (Magnums, like other Unilever frozen desserts, utilise corn and rape seed oil.)

The oil palm is a tropical plant now farmed so extensively that, according to Friends Of The Earth, its plantations are ‘the most significant cause of rainforest loss in Malaysia and Indonesia’.

The oil is not only industrially cheap, it is also unhealthy. Used in margarines, lipstick and detergents, this yellow liquid is high in saturated fat, a known cause of cardiovascular problems.

The amount of dairy produce an ice cream must contain in order legally to qualify for the name is appallingly low. The FSA requires ‘dairy ice cream’ to have a minimum of 2.5 per cent of milk protein and an additional minimum 5 per cent of dairy fat. That’s all.

The only good news is that in ‘dairy ice cream’ vegetable fat is not allowed. But this is not the case with anything labelled simply ‘ice cream’.

Here, the product is merely required to contain 2.5 per cent milk protein and 5 per cent of any kind of fat. This rarely comes from any fresh ingredient. Partially reconstituted skimmed milk is one source. Another is whey solids.

‘Whey is the liquid left over when milk is turned into cheese,’ explains Ian Tokelove, of the Food Commission. ‘It is produced in vast quantities by the dairy industry.’

A hugely problematic waste product, whey was for years dumped into rivers, or discharged into the sea.

Dried out to a pale green powder for ease of storage and transportation, it now acts as an exceedingly cheap protein carrier and sweetener, although sometimes even the sugar is taken out to be repackaged and resold.

All of these vegetable fats and milk-based products are what the industry, with refreshing honesty, refers to as ‘bulking agents’ or ‘fillers’ — cheap ways of adding volume but not cost to the ice cream.

There is one more: thin air. Ice cream is sold by volume, not weight, so a way of making it go further is to whip as much air into the mixture as possible before freezing it into plastic tubs.

The bland bulk of this mix is then titivated with a slew of other unappealing extras. There are the colourings, often referred to by name, because, like annatto, they often sound pretty, rather than E number (in this case, E160b).

It is used in place of the controversial colouring tartrazine (E102) to tint the mixture to something that more closely resembles the rich colours we associate with clotted cream. The Hyperactive Children’s Support Group considers it to be an allergen.

Emulsifiers such as ‘diglycerides of fatty acids’ prevent the fat and water content separating into a greasy puddle.

Meanwhile, stabilisers are often derived from seaweed.

Perhaps most worrying is the flavouring. Manufacturers are coy about revealing how they have achieved a specific taste, passing off goodness knows what in the ingredient list under the meaningless catch-all ‘flavouring’.

If you hope for an ice cream whose taste relates in some intelligible way to the words on the carton, it also pays to be label aware.

Producers can use pictures of fruit on the label or tub only if the ice cream actually has some real fruit (as opposed to synthetic flavouring) in it. Anything marked ‘raspberry-flavoured’ ice cream, however, has probably never seen a raspberry in its life.

Suddenly, the rousing jangle of the ice cream man’s van doesn’t seem quite as appealing.

The chilling truth about ice cream

Tesco Vanilla Flavour

Vanilla flavour soft scoop.

‘Partially reconstituted lactose reduced whey protein concentrate (from milk), sugar, vegetable oil and hydrogenated vegetable oil, dextrose, whey powder, emulsifier: mono and diglycerides of fatty acids, stabilisers (guar gum, sodium alginate), flavourings, colours (curcumin, anatto).’

No mention of vanilla pods — and that’s because vanilla hasn’t been anywhere near this ‘vanilla flavour’ ice cream.

Instead, the vanilla is a synthetically produced chemical identical to real vanilla but produced in a lab.

Joanna Blythman, author of Bad Food Britain, says: This really is a low-grade product.

Soft scoop is always bad news, it basically means poor ice cream. This doesn’t have any real anything, it’s just a water-sugar oily bulk held together by starches. At least they are using natural colours, though.

Taste: Throw some sugar on the floor, sprinkle over some water, lick it off and you have the taste of this ice cream.

Tesco Cherrylicious Ice cream

Vanilla flavoured ice cream with cherry sauce and glace cherries.

Made using the usual culprits of reconstituted skimmed milk powder and vegetable fat, all laced with a bright-red gloop which contains modified maize starch.

‘The food industry loves starch,’ says the Food Commission’s Ian Tokelove. ‘It’s very cheap and a great way to bulk out whatever product they are making.

Used in all sorts of processed foods from ready meals to children’s yoghurts, nutritionally all it adds to a product are calories.’

Joanna says: This does contain cherries but the word ‘flavourings’ also makes an appearance in the ingredient list, and unless the word ‘natural’ appears in front of ‘flavouring’ then it’s definitely a synthetic chemical flavouring.

Taste: On balance it’s probably a good thing that the cheap cherry-chew-tasting sauce blots out any other taste.

M&S Soft Scoop vanilla ice cream

Made in Cornwall using fresh milk and vanilla extract.

Despite the ‘fresh milk’ tag on the front of the box, and the fact that it contains 66 per cent skimmed milk, we still don’t avoid an oily dollop of vegetable fat — in this case, coconut oil.

Joanna says: What is coconut oil doing in ice cream? The ingredients should only be milk, eggs, cream sugar and then perhaps fruit, nuts, vanilla, chocolate.

Taste: Better than the rest, it has some creamyness.

The Skinny Cow 4 Strawberry Sticks

Great taste low fat strawberry sticks.

What it actually is: This low-calorie, low-fat product is so far removed from the dairy it is not even allowed to call itself ice cream.

Its key ingredient is inulin, a plant fibre extracted from chicory root that ‘absorbs water and forms a gel within the product that gives a smooth texture that mimics a fat,’ explains a spokeswoman.

Inulin has the very helpful — to dieters — property of passing straight through the human gut almost without being digested.

Joanna says: Personally I think low-fat iced desserts are a stupid idea. Why bother with something like this?

Taste: Soft and claggy, then disappears rather than melts in the mouth in a very unnerving way. The texture is reminiscent of damp cotton wool.

The chilling truth about ice cream

Haagen Dazs Belgian Chocolate

The deepest, darkest, most delicious chocolate ice cream in its smoothest form.

A mixture of fresh cream, skimmed milk, dark Belgian chocolate, sugar, chocolate chunk with vegetable oil, egg yolk, cocoa (processed with alkali), natural flavouring: vanilla.

Joanna says: The chocolate aside, the ice cream has the ingredients you’d hope for — the classic cream, sugar and eggs.

Taste: Creamy and firm-textured. It’s noticeable that this doesn’t coat your tongue with an oily film, like some of the soft scoops.

The chilling truth about ice cream

Wall’s Viennetta Vanilla

Smooth vanilla flavour ice cream between crisp chocolate flavour layers.

Again, made with reconstituted rather than fresh skimmed milk — and the second ingredient on the list is water. The third is sugar, which some ice cream makers consider to be just another cheap ‘filler’.

Joanna says: No ice cream should ever have water in it. If it’s made with water then it ought to be a sorbet. All these are very cheap ingredients.

The profit margin must be stratospheric. What strikes me is how old a lot of these ingredients could be — none even need refrigeration.

Taste: Sweet and empty. Like eating frozen cardboard.

The chilling truth about ice cream

Green & Black’s Organic Vanilla Caramel Nut

Made with fresh cream, a swirl of caramel and crunchy hazelnut.

What it actually is: Full of organic ingredients from the whole milk to the whipped and double cream and eggs. There is some tapioca starch in the sauce but probably simply for consistency. There are stabilisers, too, but at least they are natural.

The flavourings are the real thing.

Joanna says: A marked improvement between these and the cheaper ice creams.

Taste: Good, though not the best. The caramel nut chunks work well with the vanilla.

Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food

Chocolate ice cream marshmallow, caramel & Chocolatey chunks.

The ingredient list is enormous but that’s largely on account of all the chunky extras.

Cream is top of the list, followed by marshmallow (15.5 per cent) and then, strangely, water. The chocolate chunks contain coconut oil.

Joanna says: Noticeably better then many cheaper brands.

Taste: Hell-o. Rich and sweet but then quite overwhelming, actually, what with all those sugary additions.

Hill Station Mango & Lime Ice Cream

We were bored by sugary big-company concotions and we wanted something better.

Fresh whole milk (27%), fresh double cream (23%), mango puree (21%), sugar, egg yolk, skimmed milk powder, lime puree (4%).

Joanna says: The premium brands are using noticeably better ingredients. Note how the flavours come directly from fruit, with nothing added.

Taste: Tingly taste of fresh mango with a dash of lime. One of the best. Please can I have some more?


Pregnant Jamie Otis Just Shared a Naked Photo to Showcase Her 55 Pound Weight Gain

Jamie Otis &mdash like anyone who&rsquos experienced a pregnancy &mdash gained weight throughout the almost-nine months she&rsquos been carrying her baby boy. The difference between The Married at First Sight star and many other pregnant women, though, is that Otis publicly shared (via naked preggo pic, no less!) just how much weight she’s gained in her 39-week pregnancy: 55 pounds. And honestly, more power to her.

Plenty of pregnant people keep their weight gain numbers under wraps due to stigma or fears about gaining “too much” &mdash but weight gain is, obviously, a necessary and healthy part of pregnancy.

&ldquoPhysiologically, women gain weight with maternal water and body fat and also to accommodate all of the factors and processes of pregnancy,&rdquo maternal fetal medicine physician Heather Anaya, DO, told SheKnows.

OB/GYN Lori Hardy echoed this, telling SheKnows that “it is normal and healthy to gain weight during pregnancy not only because of the weight of the growing baby, but also because your body fluid doubles to support the extra blood flow of pregnancy. There is also weight that goes to the breasts, placenta, uterus, increased blood volume, and amniotic fluid.&rdquo

“I’ve gained 55 pounds in this pregnancy,&rdquo Otis captioned her recent video on Instagram Stories (in it, she’s eating a snack in bed, respect). “I have a week until I’m full term &mdash like, 40 weeks, I mean. So I still have time to go. And I’m like, ‘I don’t know how I got so big?'” the mom of two said while showing her viewers a tub of ice cream. She later revealed that this is her nightly ritual &mdash well, either ice cream or milk and cookies. Both choices sound equally delicious to us.

Still, the TV personality has another theory as to why her belly is growing exponentially. “I mean, this must be a really big baby,&rdquo she joked.

So how much weight is normal to gain during pregnancy?

&ldquoAccording to the American College of OB/GYN as well as the Institute of Medicine (IOM), pregnancy weight gain should be based on your pre-pregnancy BMI, which is calculated by taking weight in kilograms divided by height in meters squared,&rdquo Dr. Hardy explains. &ldquoThere are tables online to help you calculate this or you can ask your doctor. As with everything in medicine, there will be a range of what is healthy, not just one specific number.&rdquo And while 55 pounds is certainly on the high end of things, we’re a) not doctors and b) confident that Otis has a good working relationship with her doctor, aka the person who should actually helping her monitor this stuff. Again: That’s not us, or any other denizens of the internet. So please, think before you troll!

Most importantly, Otis also explained on Instagram that after suffering a miscarriage, her perspective completely changed &mdash on pregnancy, weight gain, the whole lot.

“I promised God I wouldn&rsquot complain about any pregnancy pains if he&rsquod just let me keep this baby,” she captioned her naked pregnancy photos. Otis admitted that she’ll take the back pains, waddle &mdash and yes even hemorrhoids &mdash just to have a healthy and happy baby. And ain’t nobody going to fault her for that.


Friday, September 18, 2009

in preparation for the upcoming nba season, yahoo sports has been compiling lists of the top (fill in the blank). top draft busts, top moments, top six men, top this, and top that. for the most part, those lists are fairly easy to create. there isn't too much critical thought required to create a list of the top draft busts in our era. there are obvious selections like kwame "flaming faggot" brown (credit: michael jordan) and darko milicic. for top six men, of course you would write in manu ginobili and leandro barbosa. as a fan of both basketball and general thought, i wanted a list that required more than stating the obvious. i wanted a list that would cause uproarious discussion. i wanted a list that made me think. after racking my brain for about five minutes, the only alternative i could think of was a list of the top white american nba players who played primarily after 2000.

i started making the list, but i strayed and started throwing out names like dirk nowitzki (german), steve nash (canadian), and tim duncan (kind of black). i realized that making a list of the top white (general) players isn't too difficult because you can include marginally well adjusted players like hedo turkoglu and bonafide stars like manu ginobili. you see, i'm trying to keep it strictly white american because that immediately raises the difficulty quotient. off the top of my head, i couldn't name ten white american players that were widely accepted as great. strictly staying in the post 2000 era eliminated players like larry bird, chris mullin, and fringe players like rex chapman. somebody like john stockton who retired in 2003 wasn't included because he played the majority of his career in the 90s. this caused the pool to be infinitely smaller and definitely more difficult to come up with something. anyways, i'm probably going to miss some because the white american nba player is just so inconspicuous. here we go.

+ brad miller
years active 1998 to current
teams charlotte hornets, chicago bulls, indiana pacers, sacramento kings
achievements 2x nba all-star
why he's on this list i find it hilarious that the first player i thought of was brad miller. sure, he's a 2x nba all-star, but brad miller is the epitome of mediocrity. never great, but never useless, he's made a living off of mid-range shooting, attempting to rebound well, and getting lumped in trades. he looks like he either lives in a cabin or works on a construction site. he's probably the kind of man that goes home after a game, guzzles a beer (read: budweiser, coors, pbr), and shoots cans with a pellet gun.

+ kirk hinrich
years active 2003 to current
teams chicago bulls
achievements jersey retired at kansas
why he's on this list simply stated, kirk hinrich was a god at kansas and had a promising nba career that was derailed by a sequence of unfortunate events (read: injuries, derrick rose being born). hinrich is intense and while nobody would declare him a lockdown defender, he put more effort in a single defensive assignment than steve nash has put forth in his entire career. a couple of seasons ago, dwayne wade and pat riley cried about hinrich's intensity on defense. basically, wade was like this, "wah! wah! kirk hinrich slapped the shit out of my wrists! wah!" gully. hinrich's nearly the prototypical white player except for the fact that he can't shoot. in that regard, he's like the white jamal crawford. oh shit, remember this?

+ brent barry
years active 1995 to current
teams los angeles clippers, miami heat, chicago bulls, seattle supersonics, san antonio spurs, houston rockets
achievements 2x nba champion, seed of rick barry, 1996 slam dunk champion
why he's on this list brent barry is one of those players that never realized or cared about his true potential. he had the ability to do nearly everything. in fact, it's harder to make a list of things he couldn't do on the court. at 6'7", he was capable of running the point and coaches and commentators marveled at his versatility. to date, he is the only white slam dunk champion and hits 41% of his shots from beyond the arc. despite his natural abilities, barry has been a disappointment. there was no excuse for a player of his caliber to have career averages of 9.3 ppg and 25.9 mpg. seriously though, he had the ability in him, just watch the video. this fool didn't even bother to take off his jacket.

+ jason williams
years active 1998 to current
teams sacramento kings, memphis grizzlies, miami heat, orlando magic
achievements 1x nba champion, respect from black people
why he's on this list he's white chocolate. he's had far more exposure than any white american in the nba since larry bird. he couldn't shoot, defend, avoid turnovers, or play intelligently, but shit, he was fun to watch. all of his deficiencies didn't matter because he put fans in seats and exhilarated them night in and night out. whereas rafer alston toned down his game and sprinkled flourishes of his streetball background, williams flaunted it and taunted opponents with his unorthodox abilities. oh, did i mention he was gully? after being swept by phoenix in the 2005 nba playoffs, he was quoted as saying "i'm happy. i go home and see my kids and my wife and i'm ok. all of this shit is secondary to me." winning, shooting well, etc. yes, all that shit was secondary to white chocolate, but honestly, i couldn't care less either. *passes off elbow at full speed*

+ david lee
years active 2005 to current
teams new york knicks
achievements none
why he's on this list you see how hard this list has been? i've included a player (see: brent barry) that has done literally nothing in his career and david lee, a relative nobody. he might play for the high profile new york knicks and he's probably well known by fantasy basketball managers, but seriously, do you know much about david lee? he's a double double waiting to happen. he might have no ability in the post, no mid-range jumper, no actual basketball skill, but he has a few things going for him. he works hard and he knows where to be at all times. he's not out there making faces and yelling like pau gasol while simultaneously getting yammed on. you don't average a double double by being some sucker. lee knows where to go when the ball is up for grabs. he makes the most of his limited offensive ability and takes advantage of put backs and follow ups.

+ mike miller
years active 2000 to current
teams orlando magic, memphis grizzlies, minnesota timberwolves
achievements 2006 sixth man of the year
why he's on this list until last year, mike miller had strung together a solid career. he's a good (and sometimes excellent) shooter that fills up well in other categories. he's never been on a good team, but he plays fairly well for shitty teams. he looks like a cross between a hillbilly, penn gillette, and eminem. other than peja stojakovic, i haven't seen a player, white or black, that could drain threes on a consistent bases so effortlessly. for example, he had a run in 2007 where he hit at least seven three-pointers in three consecutive games. unfortunately, he has the mentality of brent barry and probably will amount to nothing but a white dude that shot a lot of 3's for shitty teams.

some other decent white american nba players include: mike dunleavy jr. (nevermind), chris kaman (grizzly man), kyle korver (ashton!), wally szerbiak (pre-cavaliers only), troy murphy (actually decent), and luke ridnour (lol).


Watch the video: Kanye West - Off The Grid Official Audio


Previous Article

Pancakes

Next Article

"Crescent" Cake